The Eye of a Storm

Hello readers,

I ask that you keep my family in your thoughts and prayers. Usually I am more open in hard times, but in the case... I'm only really telling people who need to know... And I can't write about it... That's not what this post is about.

It's inspired about my boss, actually. I e-mailed her last night to tell her about the current situation, and she replied just as I got into my car to drive to work.

This woman, she's what I hope to be like one day. She's so kind and caring. She smiles and it makes you excited to be in her presence. She inspires you, makes you want to be your very best. She's the type of person who would give you everything, and expect nothing. Though I did not expect it, she gave me the day off to really deal with what's going on. She too, is going through a difficult situation and she said something so beautiful that it stuck with me.

In her case, she will wake up and take in the beauty of her surroundings, and end the day the same as well.

Have you done this readers? I find that in many ways, it's how I've survived my hardships... Big and small.

For instance, my last two blogs were directed toward a confrontation with someone I know. Well I was assigned to work at the pool to get to know the person who runs it and the general day to day activities. I didn't feel right swimming and getting paid for it so I waited ALL DAY till my shift ended to jump in. For anyone who knows me, I'm happiest in the water.

So the conflict was on my mind as I sat and watched people swim, because a large part of me believe that there is a solution to everything, if I work hard enough. But once I jumped in, I laid on my back and swam peacefully back and forth across the pool. My ears underwater, total silence, looking at the ceiling I was in the eye of my personal storm. A moment for me. I was at peace.

Another big one for me is graphic design. If something is going on I will just put on my headphones and create something. Focus, control, determination, creating something beautiful. It makes me calm.

You know, unfortunately everyone will have their personal baggage. We all deal with it in unique ways. I urge you to find your moment of peace. Whether it be going out to dinner with friends, dancing your troubles away, or just gazing at the sunset... It will do you a lot of good.

We're all human and all you can do is try your best to deal with crazy, beautiful, complicated life.


Lots of love,
Samantha the appreciative

An Eye For An Eye

Hey readers!

Been thinking over my last post... A question I received was... Why don't you hate this person for treating you this way?

My question back, what good does that do?

Hating someone just because they don't like you solves nothing. To quote my all time favorite movie, Diary of a Mad Black Woman (You should totally watch it),

"When somebody hurts you they take power over you, if you don't forgive them then they keeps the power. Forgive him baby and after you forgive him, forgive yourself. "

I don't like how this person views me. Hating her for it only reinforces her opinion of me.

I am a nice person. I believe it's better to make the best out of difficult situations. I'd rather laugh then cry when I'm frustrated. I'm willing to give chances after chances because I understand being frustrated. I understand being human. 

I also understand that people view things differently than I do. I cannot expect the same courtesy in return. 

The only thing I can really do is prove her wrong by continuing to be me. I'm eccentric, I like being happy... If people think I'm being fake because of all this, fine. But I know I'm being true to myself. Life it too short.

You don't have control of other people and how they perceive you... In the end you can only do so much... But you better damn try to be your best self--for you.

Just something to think about.

Best,
Samantha the thoughtful

Fake

Hey readers, 

It's been a while. I'm typing this on my phone so bear with me. I haven't written lately because I have some sort of sleep disorder and between that and the job it's hard to think. Sounds strange right? Well if you've ever gone a few days without sleep it'd make sense. It's harder to remember things, make decisions, heightens anxiety... Controlling emotions? Forget it. Basically feeling normal is out of the question. You're basically at face value...

Which is why I'm posting today. Recently I've been accused of being fake. Well... Not accused really--it was highly insinuated as someone was talking to me. 

Ouch

For anyone that knows me, that sucks. My whole mantra is telling people how you feel and appreciating what you have. Be kind. Be understanding. Never give up never surrender. 

I'm not in a mental capacity to consider how I've been acting to know I've been fake or not... It wasn't my intention... At what point does intention collide with perception, though? 

If by fake, you mean cordial...

The worst of it is that in the end... I'm not even mad at her for it... I really like this person. She's intelligent, strong, beautiful... But for some reason she doesn't seem to see good in me. 

No, I'm not mad... I'm just sad because I try. I've tried small talk and I've been rebuffed. I've tried showing interest and I've been rebuffed. The only thing that works is talking to her as little as possible which secretly kills me.

If I'm being honest with myself I don't have the strength to be fake. I'm genuinely trying to keep it together until this dr can see me about my sleeping problems. 

So how would you proceed readers? The only thing I can do is keep a smile on and keep on keeping on.  And when that doesn't work... Well it's okay to cry in your car like I did today... Everyone has their weak moments. Cry and move on! 

Best

Samantha the sleepless