As a survivor, I can easily answer these for you.
"Why did she claim that there was no abuse under oath?"
Well, she made these claims in 2011. A lot can happen in five years. Alternatively, she could have been threatened, or outright scared to speak up. Many survivors do not come forward as a form of protection or self preservation.
"Why didn't she use a rape kit?"
This would not be public record so we don't know if she has or not. There are rumors that she did in fact go to the hospital with her mother. But again, that would not be something released.
"Why did it take so long to come forward?"
Some sirvivors never come forward for this exact reason. I will touch more on this later in my post.
"What if it's a ploy to get out of her contract?"
I hear 'the survivor is faking it' far too often. It perpetuates the disbelief of all survivors. I will touch more on this later in my post.
"Why is she only doing a civil suit and not a criminal suit?"
It is painful enough to come forward without trying to put your attacker behind bars. Some people just want to be free of the pain.
"How can you even prove it?"
When two people are alone, how do you expect to prove it? If for whatever reason, you cannot use a rape kit, how do you expect to prove it? When your rapist is loved by many, how do you expect to prove it?
This is all my opinion. Take what you will and think what you want.
But know this:
Why would any survivor: male, female, soldier, prisoner, daughter, son, anyone come forward in today's society?
I look at Kesha's case and I feel sick. I feel sick because I know that this is a real, constant problem. Rape is one of the worst things you can do to a person, second to death. In some cases, it can make someone feel dead. I know too many people who have been raped or sexually assaulted in their short lives. I know more people who have than who haven't.
I know even less who have come forward and honestly, they all did not go well:
A friend of mine was raped by two of her mother's boyfriends. She took them to court. She won. The heartbreaking part did not have to do with the trial. It was her mother's reaction. She did not believe her daughter. My friend was sent to live with relatives. They were never the same.
Another friend came forward. She did not press charges, however. She just wanted to feel safe. A majority of her friends did not believe her. A majority of friends still do not believe her, even though multiple other girls have come forward as well.
And then there is me. Many people know about my story... my childhood best friend. I have spoken at Take Back The Night and have been an advocate for years for survivors. I still have nightmares. I still see people who look like him and feel unsafe. A family member that knows what happened... Well... they tried to make me feel bad about not wanting to see him.
But that's not the whole story. I honestly don't remember if I have written about this before... I feel like a hypocrite because even though I told my story about my childhood best friend at Take Back The Night... I never told the story about my father. I didn't even really accept that it happened till I was a senior in college. I did not want to admit that someone who was supposed to be my hero was actually someone I was quite afraid of. Even talking about it in therapy I feel dizzy and cannot confront it.
I have been more quiet about this because one of the first people I told doubted me. It crushed me.
For years, I said nothing. Being afraid of what people would think of me. I never reported what happened to me for fear of what happened to my two friends and Kesha. Doubt in what happened is crushing. There is nothing more isolating to a survivor than doubt.
Rape affects people in different ways. It can make you angry. It can make you depressed or scared. I knew my attackers, and I still walk with my keys between my knuckles. It can make you uninterested in some of the most beautiful things in life: love, sex, even living.
Disbelief magnifies those feelings to a whole new level. But please, listen to me. Rapists don't have 'rapist' written on their forehead. Our society is not black and white, it's hues of grey. People don't really know what consent is anymore and it's scary.
It's unfortunate that in this age that I do not feel safe reporting. Because honestly reporting could mean prevention.
To anyone who is scared to speak out, I am here for you. If I know you well or not. I can help you the best I am able. And if someone comes to you, please listen. It could mean a world of difference.
Lots of love,
Samantha the Fatulous
